‘Become comfortable’ to ‘explore emotions’ – Putting the ‘men’ in mental health

Men are being encouraged to normalise talking about their emotions with a special month dedicated to their wellbeing.

In New Zealand, this week puts the ‘men’ in mental health with seven days dedicated to shifting culture and mindsets on the issue that plagues the male population, where one in eight men will experience serious depression during their lifetime.

Auckland based Dietrech Soakai grew up in spaces where men rarely talked about their emotions.

But during his time working in youth and community development he discovered how crucial it was for people to acknowledge and prioritise their mental health – especially in men.

“Our mental health and emotional health are two in the same,” Soakai said.

“I think the more men become comfortable talking about how they are feel, acknowledging and recognising what they are feeling, then that puts us at a better place to actually have more meaningful and robust discussions.”

Soakai found an outlet almost a decade ago when he got into spoken word poetry.

The artform kicked off his own mental health journey.

“For me that was the doorway into beginning to explore my emotions and how I feel about things.”

Across New Zealand, events have been set up in the hope other men will also embark on their own journey of healing and learning to express their emotions.

Pasifika Medical Association (PMA) alongside Etu Pasifika are leading some of these events in Auckland and Christchurch.

Male staff from PMA organised activities to provide opportunities for talanoa and connection, and will also be sharing stories and clinical wellbeing advice on their digital platforms.

They planned a quiz night, morning walks, men’s mental health breakfast and talanoa, and a weekend golf outing to promote physical wellness. Etu Pasifika South Auckland clinic is giving out mini gift bags to every male visitor to their men’s clinic.

The clinic staff are also participating in a 12-week fitness challenge and have reached the halfway point.

“We thought this was a fantastic opportunity for Pacific men to come together. They are running these events themselves the way they want,” PMA chief executive Debbie Sorensen said.

She said it was important for men to have “safe spaces to open up”.

Culture a barrier for seeking help

In New Zealand, men are also three times more likely to commit suicide than women. They are also less likely to ask for help when they really need it.

Tongan GP based in Manukau, Dr Francis Katoa knows this first hand. “Pacific mental health for men – they do experience worse health outcomes and our clinic is trying to address this by providing a culturally specific service,” he said.

He hoped this week would be a catalyst for men to take action.

“Pacific men are the strong hardworking type. In the Pacific culture there are cultural and religious explanations for mental health and I think it is a barrier for men seeking help.”

He said there’s no shame in asking for help and that it was important to continue the efforts to “normalise” expressing and talking about feelings and asking for help through counselling – something Soakai said has transformed his life.

“Fortunately you have got other avenues like InnerBoy a great free app people can access. It talks through the journey of ones inner world and how to talk and process that stuff.”

Soakai said it has been a game-changer for his relationships and friendships.

“There is nothing better than to test the strength of a relationship than to allow them into your inner world. How incredible would it be if you didn’t need to wait until you were under the influence of anything to allow that person into your inner world or to be intoxicated or what have you to begin to feel courageous enough to tell the people you care about how you are feeling about something.”

Where to get help

• Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
• InnerBoy Free counselling here
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
• Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
• Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
• What’s Up: online chat (3pm-10pm) or 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 helpline (12pm-10pm weekdays, 3pm-11pm weekends)
• Kidsline (ages 5-18): 0800 543 754 (24/7)
• Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
• Healthline: 0800 611 116
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155

If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.